i’m not sure if this makes sense~
last night a tide of feeling swept over me which felt somewhat epiphanal (i don’t mind if that word fails to exist) where i felt suddenly and almost completely empty of understanding of myself, my future, life, and other such things.
but self-awareness is something i’ve become all too familiar with. introspection has for years haunted me to the point where it sadly feels like a defining characteristic.
so this feeling of a void felt very foreign, but not in a liberating sort of way. to try and give a sense of feeling to this, i felt like i was drifting in a vacuum, with no sounds and no senses to feel, just a weightless, silent drift. inside, i was simply a shell encasing nothingness, and outside, all was still.
recently i’ve been feeling quite vividly that i’ve been standing on the edge of a cliff, staring out to sea with a sudden drop in front of me so that i cannot take any more steps forward. last night that image changed in my head, so that the sea had vanished, the sounds and the wind and the fury of the waves were no longer but had been replaced with a wall of black. depthless, panoramic singularity-esque black with nowhere to look that would block out this view. the black was everywhere, and i was staring into it, on the precipice.
never before have i seen scenes like this with such clarity. it is if i have found a clarity in my self as to what my subconcious is trying to tell me, yet it is answering with oblivion. and it’s all so empty.